I. The city was falling apart—my city, the one where I could feel ‘home’ leaving my lips to describe it— divides opening up from below the surface of streets and separating whole planes of land by chasms so deep and wide they made my stomach sink in my chest. I couldn’t tell if it was construction work or mother nature at work.
We were in the car, me and my Mom and my cousin Jovi from New York—Jov was the better driver in terms of ability to maneuver this literal hell hole (and there were more just like them opening up little by little in every direction). She drove a diagonal line into chasm, landing on top of abandoned and broken cars and fought her way over metal and infrastructure and by some manner of forced detour, she got us to the other side.
II. Preface: It’s hard not to think past lives are possible when you meet the person you were in a former life, or a part of yourself in a person you’ve never met before that manifests themselves in your dream. I don’t like thinking about it, but we wake up for ‘what ifs’—at least I do.
I’m babysitting again and for a moment I have to wonder if I’d had this dream and why I’m dreaming it again. I remember that I’d forgotten much of this dream the first time around. But this time it’s different, as it always is. I see Yo, my cousin from Maryland, and I know instantly this is her house we’re in, but it’s darker. Yo disappears for awhile and this little boy, no older than three, appears and I play with and keep him company for awhile. I’ve never seen him before but he feels familiar just looking at him. I can never remember their faces when I wake up, but sometimes I hear echoes of their name—Brendon is the only one I’ve been able to remember. But who is this child? Something changes along the way, something bad happens (but what?) and I get this evil vibe from the child I’ve been looking after and I feel compelled to distance myself from him—but why? I ask a thousand questions even when I’m dreaming, but ‘why?’ is always the first. Why this dream? Why the two of us? Why the outcome? Yo returns in the middle of my confusion and picks up the toddler. I try to warn her that something’s not right, but she goes on as she was, bouncing him on her hip with an arm across his back.